Crave Him

Sometimes I just crave being alone with Him. I’m like a kid with a bag of penny candy who wants to hide with the sack of goodness…where no one can interrupt the pleasure of indulgence of the sweet treat. I want to sit in quietness and gaze at the beauty He has created in the vibrant greens of the hillside set against the blue hues of the sky. Where my ears are opened to children’s laughter, neighbors talking, and birds who sing a perfect melody…all created by Him to be enjoyed by me.

But sometimes it is me who gets in the way. I need to learn to take two steps back and look up more often rather than working hard to fulfill  my “to do “ list or my own selfish desires. I disappoint myself, but then again if the focus was on Him to begin with and not me…disappointments would be extinct and only His blessings would remain.

 

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes  me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.”

The Cold Dark Ditch

I have been reminded again today that all we do is not for the attention or acknowledgement of man, but what we do we should do as unto the Lord. Sometimes I work tirelessly to be a people pleaser which is not a good thing. Then when I give my all day in and day out and the nay sayers are still complaining as they try desperately to find something wrong with the work I perform….well I just breakdown entirely. I then realize my desperate attempt to please man leads nowhere but only to a foolish hearts end and a really bad day.

You see everyone has a story. I have a story that has a lot of not so good parts to it. For years, I dwelt on the not so good side of my life blaming others. But then somewhere along the way about 10 or so years ago, I realized I had a choice. I could choose joy and happiness or stay stuck in the misery of unfortunate things that had happened to me. I chose joy and happiness and I absolutely refuse to continue in circumstances and situations that cause me undue stress and try to steal the very part of my heart I try to protect.

I tried to do the right thing today and give my two week notice at my job because I took a new job with another company. There was no way I could do both for an extended period of time. I was nervous enough about having to talk to my boss about it and things just went from bad to worse very quickly. I sat shocked and amazed shaking my head defending myself against untruths. My protection mode started to set alarms off and doors started to close immediately to just stop the madness and not let it continue any longer.  I was a very good worker…hard worker…always lending a helping hand…and most respectful to the residents I cared for every day. I loved them all. I just wanted to give a two week notice, but ended up quitting because I felt in my heart I was going to have a miserable two weeks of what I was experiencing at that moment.

The funny thing is…God knew this was going to happen today. It wasn’t my intention to quit. Am I right or wrong? I don’t know. But I do know the Lord has only good for me in mind and even though I have been in the ditch today, His loving arms have extended down to this cold dark place to comfort me.