The trees branches still remain harshly naked without even a
bud to be seen or a glimpse of green and though it was warm today, the wind
begins to billow as a wintery mix will fall upon us tomorrow. Will the warm
weather ever come to stay? Will I soon sit outside with the sun rays falling
upon my cheeks as I listen to the birds sing the song of summer?
My heart to longs for something more and at times I feel so
unsatisfied with my good life. I find myself wandering aimlessly trying to
figure out just what is the ache in my soul and how do I get rid of it. I feel
like a small potato chip bag that a child brings for lunch and squeezes hard
waiting for the “pop” then giggle, laugh and finally taste the salty goodness
of what is inside. I feel the squeeze, but the “pop” of relief never comes. My
giggle seems to hide deep within as a silent scream within my dreams at night.
At times I feel suffocated, gasping for a breath of fresh air.
I have done this to myself you see. I didn’t mean to, but so
many broken trusts which caused great heartache have left me worn, tired, and
out of sorts. Oh I try to be the over comer, fear fighter, strong souled woman…
but really, I am an epic fail. But somewhere in the midst of the tears which
stream down to puddle on the table on which my head rests, I realize I have
once again tried to go it alone with the thought I was master of my own
destination….when in fact…I am not. The
Great I Am is the dream maker and He alone is the master of my destination. Yet
even in this tear filled moment of misery, He loves me. He is not mad at me,
but embraces me. He makes the sun shine on my face and brings warmth to my
wintery heart.
The buds of green begin to appear on the shivering naked
branches and new life springs out from the depths of my heart as He sends me
God with skin. What do I mean by God with skin? It is His other children…my
brothers and sisters in Christ who I have tried to hide my real self from…they
huddle around me, hug me, help me stand, and most of all pray for me. He never
meant for me to do this journey called life alone. No matter where I have
lived, He has always surrounded me with wonderful God chasers grounded in the
foundation of what this final week of Easter is all about…the life, the death,
and the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Sometimes it is a broken Hallelujah, but
yet still a Hallelujah and my Savior…He hears it and He recues me. I love you
God!