I am at His mercy once again as
tears flood my eyes and roll down my cheeks. The situation is out of my hands.
I have no control over it. The questions can’t even be answered until morning
breaks. As for now, the moon shines brightly behind me thru the picture window.
I wait for dawn to come.
I sit here in the quietness of
the night as the crickets chirp beyond the screen in the window amidst the hot
humid air which has only slightly cooled since the sun set hours before. The
only other sound is the clicking of the keyboard as my fingers reach for the
right keys. How much more must one endure?
I beg and reason with my heavenly
Father and repeat over and over,
“I don’t understand Lord.”
I recount my years of
faithfulness unto Him and know He has absolutely been more faithful to me. He
has never…not ever…left me nor forsaken me. But yet, much like the Israelites
wondering for 40 years, I feel like I am in the dessert roaming in circles
wondering what will come next and does the promise land really exist. My soul
needs awakened and my dry bones thirst. When will the living water come to me?
The wind has picked up outside. A
thunder growls quietly in the distance. The storm in my heart seems endless and
those I long to love me most always fail me. I will sit her quietly…for how
long…I do not know…probably until my eyes can no longer stay opened and I will
pray. It is all I know to do. I will praise Him even in the midst of this
storm. I will hold on to His great and precious promises. He is an ever present
help in times of trouble. Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised. I love
you God!
