Sweet Scarlet

It has been an extremely sad weekend for my family. A beautiful little girl named Scarlet entered through the gates of heaven. She was a full term baby that was found to be still born early this past Friday morning. She was beautiful…perfect in every way…an angelic face unblemished. A very rare twisting of the inside of the umbilical cord caused a fatal blood clot.

Her mother and father, my cousins, are left inconsolable and full of grief. The entire family is trying to understand the one burning question, “Why?” As for myself, I would love to be home in Pittsburgh today for the funeral and wrap my arms around them and hug them tightly and grieve a little while with them. But work has caused me to stay put until the end of the week when I have a four days off and will have time to go home.

But for now I will share a little poem I wrote to help me grieve at this time…

 

SWEET SCARLET

She was taken before she could be touched by human hands,

Held first in the arms of Jesus,

No pain….

No sorrow….

Will her precious heart ever know,

Only joy and happiness will abound in heavens home.

 

 

She will giggle as she runs through the tall grass,

And picks a bouquet of wild flowers,

To hand to her Father and King,

Together they sit beside the peaceful shore,

And toss stones that skip across the calm waters.

 

Scarlet is the perfect child,

With a perfect heart,

Who never sinned,

And always remains innocent,

She is happy and rejoices,

As she dances in the arms of Jesus forever more.

Life Evolves

I feel life changing right before my very eyes. I guess it didn’t happen suddenly, but it seems suddenly upon me at this time. I took my oldest son out yesterday for a strawberry shake after school. As he sat across from me tall, slim, and handsome, I could still see his childhood face. But now before me was a young man…18 years old and going off to college in the fall. I laughed as he told me I looked young to have a child as old as him. He knows the way to his mother’s heart.

Later the same evening, we celebrated my daughter’s 16^th birthday. She was absolutely beautiful as she sat smiling over her cupcakes in the glow of the candles as we sang “happy birthday” to her. She doesn’t think she is ready to drive yet (which is fine by me), but at times a feel I barely see her as her bedroom has become her favorite room.

And then there is my sweet Samuel. He is nearing 12 years old (next month) and growing taller by the minute. I have come to love and cherish the moments he sits next to me on the couch and cuddles. I just want to make him stay little and not grow up on me.

I guess you could say I miss my babies. Abe (my oldest son) is gone this weekend to Myrtle Beach on a band trip. It will just be the four of us at home…a big reminder of what it is going to be like this fall when Abe leaves for Middle Tennessee State University. And in a couple of years it will just be Samuel when my daughter leaves for college. Then Samuel will be gone too and then it will just be Bill and I…back where we started…just the two of us.

I have no regrets of the time I spent and the sacrifices I made for my children.

 

A Good Day

So, I am sitting here in the quietness of the early evening…daylight  still makes its presence known and the soft breeze of spring flows past the swaying curtain to touch the skin of my face. The smell of the fresh air awakens my soul and fills me with peace as the birds sing in the tree beyond the window pane.

Looking forward to this view of my front yard in a few short weeks!

It is in this moment of tranquility; I am reminded most of what it must be like in heaven. But instead of birds singing, angels will praise in harmony sweet adoration to the King who gave His life for me…who gave His life for you. I can’t imagine…or should I say…what I imagine… will not come close to the gloriousness which will be seen and heard on that day of homecoming.

Today was a good day and I just want to breath in deeply, exhale slowly, and just take it all in and remember how it feels to remind me when the not so good days come…and they will come…that the good day waits just around the corner as I continue this journey called life walking daily hand in hand with my Savior Jesus.

Amazing Love

Flogged…

Mocked…

“Hail King of the Jews!”

Struck in the face…

Dressed in a purple robe…

“Crucify!” “Crucify!”

The Son of God…

Carried His own cross…

JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS…

Took His clothes…

Divided them…

Cast lots for them…

“I am thirsty.” Jesus said

It is finished.” Jesus proclaimed

He bowed His head…

And gave up His spirit…

I put Jesus on the cross and deserve nothing for my wretched sinfulness. But yet in all of Christ’s anguish and pain…He still forever loves me just the same.

One day I will lay prostrate at His feet…my friend…my Father…my King and thank Him with tears of joy for what He did for me and how He showed…

Just how much He loves me!

All honor and glory are His as I proclaim…

 

Holy, holy, holy,

Art thou Lord God almighty.

Worthy, worthy, worthy,

Is the Lamb that was slain!

 

 

I love you Jesus!!!

My Life at the Villa

The Keystone Villa...where I work

My life has changed dramatically in the past six months. Because of ensuing college tuition, I took a part time job as a caregiver and work 20-25 hours every week and every other weekend. Now don't get me wrong, I love my job. I am sure God has placed me at this very nice assisted/independent living home to give some of His love through me to those who sometimes get forgotten in today's busy world. I look forward to work and greeting my older and wiser friends with a simple "good morning" followed by a hug and kiss on the cheek.

As the snow falls gently and the birds sing their sweet melody, I remain thankful for all God has provided. I know He has me right where He needs me to be at this time in my life. Even though it means getting up at five in the morning just to spend a few quiet moments with Him before I go to work. I remain Christ's ambassador relying on His strength to walk the path He has set before me...and do it with love.

 

"We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors,

as though God were making his appeal through us..."

 

~II Corinthians 5:20

 



Loneliness vs. Loneliness

Loneliness is an awkward term or thought that can evoke some of the most soul stirring moments of a person’s life. Sometimes the shadow of loneliness casts darkness over a heart of joy leaving one in utter despair as Satan whispers his lies. Theses untruths echo within our mind and set our life motion into a downward spiral of hopelessness. If we listen long enough, we begin to believe… maybe we don’t have purpose, we are no good, and …what’s the use of even trying.

But this sad and depraved type of loneliness leads me to a second and healthy loneliness. A loneliness that feeds on the very Spirit which gives me life, beckons me to sit at the feet of Jesus or crawl upon His lap between the hems of His robe, and talk awhile with Him. Yes, there is no better place to be when Satan’s arrows quiver close to my soul, but alone in the protective arms of my heavenly Father. When I allow the Spirit of the Living God to sing over me, the shadow of loneliness that Satan cast is no more! For the Son in all His resilient glory reign in the heart of the one whom Jesus loves…his child!

I Loved You First

Lately, I have spent a great amount of time just trying to be quiet so I might hear God. I have worked on just praising God instead of always asking for something during these times of reflection…even when things have gone awry and left me speechless. It has not been an easy thing to do. However, it has gotten easier with time and practice, but still is a challenge in the midst of the sin nature present within me.

I know I have hidden myself away from others these past few months. I have been unsure of what to do, who to trust, and in general very disappointed with myself. Why? I’m not sure. I wish I knew and then maybe I could fix my “stuck” mode. But maybe, just maybe…I’m not supposed to know the why. And maybe I need to be “stuck” so God could once again chisel me a bit more into the image of Him and make His dreams come alive within me instead of my own.

I was at a wedding this past weekend and when the bride danced with her father the chosen song was, “I Loved Her First”. I watched with a tilted head and tear filled eyes as the father softly whispered into his daughter’s ear…and her hand gently lifted to her face to wipe the tears that fell from her eyes. It was precious. But while I stood and gazed at the beautiful scene before me, I could hear the whisper of God telling me…”I loved you first”. I caught myself imagining me in the arms of my Savior, dancing close, and He whispered to me…”I loved you first, I held you first, you still mean the world to me, and there is a place in my heart that will always will be yours…from the first breath you breathed…I loved you first and always will.”

Even though I don’t know what God is up to, I know He has my best interest in mind. I will stand firm on His promises knowing that He will never leave me nor forsake me…for He loved me first! I love you God!

Steadfast

I have not written on my blog for some time now. I'm not sure why, but only to say my life has changed drastically since January 17th. We pulled my Autistic (Asperger Syndrome) daughter from the public school system and enrolled her in a Pennsylvania cyber charter school. I have earnestly tried to look at this as a blessing...a gift to be of a part of my daughters life and her education despite the angst we went through with the school district in mistreating my daughter on several different levels. I've had to try and find within my heart to forgive, but sometimes I come up empty handed and angry with the schools continued heartlessness towards my daughter in extra curricular activities which according to Pennsylvania state law she is allowed to attend within the district. Technically the district ends up allowing her attend these events, but not without my daughter being singled out and her dad and I left with no other choice but to advocate for her...sometimes it gets the best of us. I become exhausted with the stress and now as a result have decided to just close myself off from everyone except for a chosen few. I took two hours one evening and deleted 90 friends from my facebook page. I am keeping my circle small...I don't know if this is good or bad. I guess time will tell.

God's girl Ruthie!

I had a friend post a scripture on facebook last week. I don't remember the verse, but the verse included the word "steadfast" which struck a chord with me and intrigued me enough to research the word a little bit more. I don't think this was of my own initiative, but that of the Holy Spirit wanting to encourage my soul.

Steadfast ...fixed in a direction, firm in purpose,

resolute, faith,

unwavering.

I firmly believe I was led to this scripture...

"Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me"

~Psalm 51:10



Believers are exhorted to stand firm in the face of temptation and doubt...confident in what God has done for them...

"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters,

stand firm.

Let nothing move you.

Always

give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord,

because you know that your

labor in the Lord is not in vain."

~I Corinthians 15:58

Dear Heavenly Father...

This is your beloved daughter Shannon.

I come to you today with praise and thanksgiving in my heart

and ask for more unspeakable joy to flow in and through my brokenness.

I am but a poor and miserably sinner

who has no right to ask you for anything,

but I need you! I am nothing without you.

You, Oh God alone, created my inmost being...

knit be together in my mother's womb...

and have had plans for me before I even took my first breath.

Please create in me a renewed spirit of steadfastness.

Give me joy...give me a measure of your peace which

surpasses all understanding.

But most of all grant unto me your grace and your mercy

that I might be able to forgive others

just as you have forgiven me.

I can't do this on my own...it will only come through you

and your great and awesome power for my human frailty

consumes me at this time, but You are greater...

I KNOW THIS FULL WELL!

I trust and believe you will grant this unto me.

In the precious name of Jesus...

~Amen

Heirs of God

WE NEED TO KNOW FOR CERTAIN THAT WE ARE A BELOVED CHILD OF GOD BECAUSE THIS WILL EFFECT EVERYTHING WE DO IN LIFE.

~Stormie Omartian

"The Prayer that Changes Everything"

"The Spirit Himself bears witness

with our spirit that we are children of God."

~Romans 8:16

Accept One Another - Day 2 Lent 2012

"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God."

~Romans 15:7

I read this scripture and a big...huh...spilled from my mouth. Now I've heard a million or so times we are to love one another as Christ loves us, but love and accept...ouch! How do I accept another person when that individual (a brother or sister in Christ) drives me crazy and coaxes and extra amount of grace from my already empty well for them. I'm sure everyone reading this has already had at least one person pop into their mind...maybe even more then one.

Psssssssst...start praising God for that individual. Yes, praise God who made that person for a specific reason no matter how emotional they are ALL the time, no matter how much they like to talk, or how many times they think their idea is the best or the only way.

God loves them just as much as he loves you. After all, they too are part of God's creation. They too are fearfully and wonderfully made...unique...predestined by God himself. Yes, the bothersome brother or sister in Christ who unnerves you leaving your eyes permenantly stuck in the back of your brain was made by God for God...just like you!

Now that's something to think about!