The Cry of My Heart

Tuesday morning ...

7:45 am
I stomped around our living room teaching the famous Mickey Mouse Show theme song to my son. You know the one....M-I-C....see ya real soon...K-E-Y...why because we love you....M-O-U-S-E...Mickey Mouse....Mickey Mouse....yeah you remember. Actually I was inserting the letters of our last name...J-A-C.....O-B-Y....A-N-S-K-Y....trying to teach my youngest son how to spell his last name for school. It was a wonderful fun filled moment indeed!

7:55 am
I'm in the car with all three of my children taking the two oldest to school. As always, I turn down the radio and pray aloud for all three of my kiddos. It is soon followed by utterances from my little ones telling me something they are thankful for today.

8:20 am
I return home with my youngest and we enjoy some reading time out loud together before his time to go to school.

8:55 am
I take my youngest to school.

9:15 am
I stop and get a cup of coffee before I go to my doctor's appointment.

9:40 am
The doctor suctions wires all over my body for my EKG.

10:00 am
I sit in utter shock as the doctor shows me my EKG and explains the abnormalities of my heartbeat. He feels two valves may be affected, but wants to schedule and echo cardiogram to get a better picture of what is going on with my pumper and be sure the aortic valve is not affected.

10:15 am
Tears well up as I try to control an irrational outburst as the nurse schedules my echo cardiogram.

10:30 am
As I travel home from the doctor's, the wet drops can be held in no longer. My mind races from one scenario to another about what might happen to me. What about my kids....what about my husband...question upon question....fear upon fear kept building.

After a phone call to my husband to tell him the news of the doctor, I cried some more. But in the distress of the moment I remembered the first sermon I heard Pastor Tim speak. The Sunday service was focused on Proverbs 3:5&6. It was my life verse during my teens years and young adult life. "Trust in the Lord with all thy might and lean not into thine own understanding and in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall make thy paths straight." Pastor Tim asked the entire congregation a thought provoking question.

"What is trusting in God with all thy might?"

His answer simple.

"Knowing God in every step you are in."

Do you think it was coincidence this thought came to my mind at that very moment or do you think it was a God moment. I clearly, unequivocally believe it was God through his precious Holy Spirit speaking a truth to me I needed to hear. I began to pray seeking the comfort and peace which could only come from the Father of heavenly lights.

How quickly life can change. I went from singing the Mickey Mouse song with my youngest son to the sad cry of my heart...literally and emotionally. My echo cardiogram is scheduled for September 9th and while I wait I will try to live and love each moment for my Jesus. When I look beyond to the unknown and Satan tries to strike me with fear, I will call upon my friend and Savior to take every thought captive. I will live in joy and not allow Satan to win the battle of my mind for my God is greater and I have already won the victory through my Immanuel! Praise be to God forever and ever! Amen!