Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Who's got Purpose?

This thing called “purpose” can be difficult to understand. Some days I feel very purposeful and then other days the monotony of being a stay at home mom gets the best of me. I get anxious I might be missing some greater calling. I get angry wondering if others who know me best see my potential being more than doing a load of laundry or knowing how to cook a great meal. I struggle with loneliness chased by busyness and the two combined leave me exhausted by the end of the day wondering who won the race.
Actually, no one wins. My heart just loses, because what I lost was my focus. I took my eyes off the prize and came up empty handed with an anxious soul longing for love, understanding, and meaning.

I crashed last night on my couch and my eyes cried like a river. I sat slumped in posture and my hands lifeless at my side. I didn’t even bother to wipe the overflow of tears that ran swiftly down my cheeks. Through the blur of the tears I saw my son’s Bible sitting on the coffee table. I reached for it and just opened it unknowingly to Psalm 116. As tears spattered on the thin pages, I wiped my eyes so I could clearly see where I had opened to.

“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live....Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you…” Psalm 116:1 & 7

The more I read the less I cried and I knew the Father saw my tears and shed some along with me. I felt His awesome presence and begged for His forgiveness of my wretched soul. I am but a poor sinner who put my Jesus to death on Calvary, but I thank God He loves me enough to save a miserable soul as mine. He thinks I’m special. He knows every hidden talent others may not see. But most of all He loves me for me. Not matter how much I strive for perfection in the wrong things or the countless mistakes I make…HE STILL LOVES ME!

Now my eyes are focused once again beyond the everyday mundane tasks. His whispers speak a calm tranquility giving me worth amidst my frailty. I praise my Maker once again and speak aloud, “Be at rest, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”


Sanctified Together said...

This post hit home with me especially these words, "loneliness chased by busyness". It seems like all moms struggle with this at times. At my MOPS meeting today we were talking about this exact thing!

The Psalm is beautiful! God always gives us what we need when we need it!


Carla Gade said...

I'm so glad for the Lord who gives us not only purpose, but comfort. Blessings.