I just can’t seem to get going. My pep is gone and all I want to do is sleep. I’ve struggled with depression for a long time…probably even before I knew what was wrong. Seven years ago, after several panic attacks which sent me to the emergency room with severe hyperventilation (partial loss of function in my hands and feet) a doctor diagnosed me with depression. The depression would cause the panic attacks. Since that time, I have been on several different medications to try and help what some doctors feel is a chemical imbalance where my body does not produce enough serotonin.
The last couple of weeks I have been battling wildly in my mind fighting against negative thoughts about myself. It gets tiring to say the least. I don’t feel like being around people, but I force myself to go out even if it is just for a little while. I know the time of year…January, February, and March…are the three months I struggle the most. The days are shorter, less sunlight, and I’m less likely to get outside. I cry more which annoys me to no end. The worst part is I feel a panic attack lurking around every corner and that it will hit me unexpectedly.
Depression is a very difficult subject to breech to people. I’m a Christian and I do very much love the Lord with all my heart. I ask the Lord, “Why?” all too often not understanding why He can’t just heal me. Oh…I’ve tried to go off the medicine in full belief I was healed…only to crash in a dismal pit of angst and then be out of commission for weeks while my medicine built itself back up in my body. So what am I to do?
First, I’m going to make a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and see if my medication needs switched. I do wonder if my body has become accustomed to the Lexapro and a change might be what my body needs. Second, I’m going to spend some extra time in the Word of God and some quiet time in prayer with the Lord. I already do these things, but a little more doesn’t hurt anyone. Third, I’m asking all of you to pray for me as I struggle with depression…specifically that I with the help of my friend Jesus can turn the negative thoughts around when they rear their ugly head and make me feel unworthy. Also that I would hold fast to II Corinthians 10:5…
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,
and we take captive very thought to make it obedient to Christ.”