Lately, I have spent a great amount of time just trying to be quiet so I might hear God. I have worked on just praising God instead of always asking for something during these times of reflection…even when things have gone awry and left me speechless. It has not been an easy thing to do. However, it has gotten easier with time and practice, but still is a challenge in the midst of the sin nature present within me.
I know I have hidden myself away from others these past few months. I have been unsure of what to do, who to trust, and in general very disappointed with myself. Why? I’m not sure. I wish I knew and then maybe I could fix my “stuck” mode. But maybe, just maybe…I’m not supposed to know the why. And maybe I need to be “stuck” so God could once again chisel me a bit more into the image of Him and make His dreams come alive within me instead of my own.
I was at a wedding this past weekend and when the bride danced with her father the chosen song was, “I Loved Her First”. I watched with a tilted head and tear filled eyes as the father softly whispered into his daughter’s ear…and her hand gently lifted to her face to wipe the tears that fell from her eyes. It was precious. But while I stood and gazed at the beautiful scene before me, I could hear the whisper of God telling me…”I loved you first”. I caught myself imagining me in the arms of my Savior, dancing close, and He whispered to me…”I loved you first, I held you first, you still mean the world to me, and there is a place in my heart that will always will be yours…from the first breath you breathed…I loved you first and always will.”
Even though I don’t know what God is up to, I know He has my best interest in mind. I will stand firm on His promises knowing that He will never leave me nor forsake me…for He loved me first! I love you God!