I am at His mercy once again as tears flood my eyes and roll down my cheeks. The situation is out of my hands. I have no control over it. The questions can’t even be answered until morning breaks. As for now, the moon shines brightly behind me thru the picture window. I wait for dawn to come.
I sit here in the quietness of the night as the crickets chirp beyond the screen in the window amidst the hot humid air which has only slightly cooled since the sun set hours before. The only other sound is the clicking of the keyboard as my fingers reach for the right keys. How much more must one endure?
I beg and reason with my heavenly Father and repeat over and over,
“I don’t understand Lord.”
I recount my years of faithfulness unto Him and know He has absolutely been more faithful to me. He has never…not ever…left me nor forsaken me. But yet, much like the Israelites wondering for 40 years, I feel like I am in the dessert roaming in circles wondering what will come next and does the promise land really exist. My soul needs awakened and my dry bones thirst. When will the living water come to me?
The wind has picked up outside. A thunder growls quietly in the distance. The storm in my heart seems endless and those I long to love me most always fail me. I will sit her quietly…for how long…I do not know…probably until my eyes can no longer stay opened and I will pray. It is all I know to do. I will praise Him even in the midst of this storm. I will hold on to His great and precious promises. He is an ever present help in times of trouble. Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised. I love you God!