I am just so in love with Him. He has always been there for me when hope seemed so far away and sadness filled my heart as a child. I knew I could come to Him no matter the hour…no matter the circumstance….He remained beside me and comforted my aching heart. I know some may have had it much worse than myself as a child, but I have learned not to minimize my own suffering. It was real. It was shameful. It was a hard road to trod with heavy baggage in tow. I longed for love and peace to abide within the walls of the old Victorian.
|My brothers and me on Christmas morning. Shane (left), me (middle), Shawn (right)|
It’s Christmas. My favorite time of year. My husband and I were married this season of yuletide joy 24 years ago on December 28th…that’s how much I love Christmas. It was the one time of year…the one day…the one morning…I could rest assure there would be no fighting between the walls of my childhood home. And He…as in all other days…was with me as I would skip the first three steps and jump to the landing of the endless staircase. My fair skinned hand would slide down the rail and guide me to the bottom of the decent as a peered through sleepy eyes. I would turn to the parlor room…grand as always with 10 foot ceilings and a cherry wood fireplace with ornate tile in the hearth. There the angel hair covered tree stood in all it’s glory with wrapped gifts scattered beneath. I would just sit on the oriental rug in the middle of the huge room and gaze in amazement and take it all in as my heart felt peace. And He was with me. I know He sat beside me.
I am forty-eight years old this Christmas. It has been a year of healing for me as I walked through some rough childhood memories. It was painful. It was hard. I am not done yet for the tools I have learned to use, I will continue to pull out of my tool box for the rest of my life and use when necessary. So this Christmas is just extra special because I have run my race hard enduring much to win this victory over the walk on the shattered glass of a broken childhood. And the one constant in ALL of my life’s recovery…He was with me, He is with me now, and He will be with me forevermore. My friend…my Savior…His name is Jesus. And this Christmas will be the 38th time we will walk down the staircase together to celebrate His birthday and I am grateful…so very grateful to Him for loving that little girl with long brown hair and hazel eyes. And so I praise Him this Christmas for His faithfulness, His love, and His grace.
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your presence in my life. You took hold of me at a very young age and it has been an amazing ride. It has not always been easy, but through it all you have stood beside me…sometimes holding me when I couldn’t stand. You have left me breathless in your unending love for me. You are my redeemer and the lifter of my head. I am forever grateful!
All my love this Christmas,
Your beloved daughter,