Today was a very, very tough day. I don’t care to go into the details of events which have led me to this conclusion. I just wish to erase part of the last four weeks and stomp upon the injustice of those who point fingers in the wrong direction. Have they forgotten they have three of their own fingers pointing back at them? I believe others need to take a better look inward upon the true intent of their heart in the words they speak and the actions they choose.
I’ve cried a river of tears frustrated over the lack of integrity I see in others, my own need to see justice prevail, and my overwhelming desire to pull back and give up on relationships. I could very easily, after the events of the last few weeks, retreat deep within and shut out all others. I crave silence within my mind.
I went to my bedroom and prayed aloud to the one true friend I can always trust. He never tells anyone the deepest secrets of my soul. I can always be real with Him. I asked Him to comfort me this night. I confided in Him that I didn’t even know what or how to pray, but just let the pain go away. I know the Spirit knows just what to say to my Abba on my behalf. So in the meantime, I’ll just wait for His healing rain to soothe the wounds that have brought such grief.
Psalm 119:49-51
Remember your word to your servant,
for you have given me hope.
My comfort in my suffering is this:
Your promise preserves my life.
The arrogant mock me without restraint,
but I do not turn from your law.
2 comments:
I am so sorry for all the pain you are feeling! I feel the same at points in time... wanting to retreat. Wanting some sweet peace....wanting to just be and not have the world and all its cares standing on my shoulders. I just want you to know that I am saying a prayer for you tonight. Praying that God will heal your heart.
I've been there. It has forced me to consider the battles being waged that I do not see. Battles for the heart, the mind and desire to continue sojourning down a path that is wild, dangerous and truly one that follows Jesus of Nazarath.
There are plenty of people who call themselves Christians who resemble a caucasian American calling themselves Jamaican.
"When allowed to be as He appears in the pages of scripture, Jesus will not lead us to hatred, violence, greed, excess, earthly power (oh, the American Christian's need for 'control'!!), or material wealth. Instead, He will call us to a genuinely biblican and existential faith that believes in Him, not simply believing in a belief, as in many expressions of evangelicalism. It requires an ongoing encounter with Jesus."
-REJesus, Frost and Hirsch
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