Pain, Pain Go Away

The rain beats down on my window pane and the thunder rumbles in the evening sky. The lightning flashes across the black abyss and brings a glint of light to the storm. As quickly as the rain poured down, it has hushed now to nothing at all…not even a pitter pat can be heard. It is silent except for the tap of my finger tips on the key pad and the roll of a distant thunder.

Sometimes the pain within us is deep and sometimes it is shallow. But no matter where the pain sits, in the back row or front and center, it only causes a deep chasm stealing life from our soul and weaving death into our daily walk. The saddest part of pain is the wall of protection built to safeguard ourselves from our deepest need…what God created us for…fellowship with Him.

When the storm is intense, the stress level high, and all you want to do is run…pain sits in the front row with applause and conviction that run is what we need to do. But if we would just stop and hush our mind from the race it thinks it can win, we would find the Spirit in the yawning fissure lighting the way to the path of peace in the arms of our Abba.

Blessed are the Peacemakers

Deepen in me the actions of a peacemaker.

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“Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the son’s of God.” Matthew 5:9

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“Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:18

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When my heart is angered and screams for justice to prevail…

Let me sow in peace.

When I’ve made myself busy by my own choice…

Let me sow in peace.

When my husband doesn’t understand me as a woman and my heart as a mom…

Let me sow in peace.

When friends let me down and family is not near…

Let me sow in peace.

When teachers neglect the precious gift I’ve entrusted to them…

Let me sow in peace.

When a coach sets a bad example and favors some players over others…

Let me sow in peace.

Remind me always you have given me your peace and I should not be troubled but continually…

Let me sow in peace and let the light of Christ shine to the world and those around me!

~Amen

Choose Life

See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Deuteronomy 30:15-20

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Although Moses was addressing the Israelites, I couldn’t help but think how this applies to all who believe. We all have a “Promise Land” to get to and, “Yes!” it matters how we get to it. We can choose to love the LORD…to walk in his ways…keep his commands and live, increase, and be blessed once we reach our destination or we can choose disobedience…distractions which cause many to make “things” an idol and more important than the work God has set before us or more important than God himself. If we choose the latter, we may get to where we are going, but it won’t last long. It will be short lived and eventually destroyed leaving one to start all over again. But, isn’t that the beauty of knowing Jesus. His mercies are new every morning and He is a God of second chances. He longs for us to get it right…to choose life, listen to his voice, and hold fast to Him.

One Glorious Morn

I spent some marvelous time with the Lord this morning. I sat on my front porch in my comfy wicker rocking chair with steam billowing from my mug of fresh coffee. I sat quiet and breathed deeply desiring to take in all of God’s goodness that I saw before me, heard around, and felt as the cool morning air gently wafted and the warm sun hugged me from heaven.

It was glorious morning indeed and soon I could not help but sing softly beneath my breath a song from childhood…God is so good…God is so good…God is so good…He’s so good to me. He has been good to this child of His from the time I was young and sat staring out my bedroom window accepting where He had placed me…I would tell Him…

“You must think I’m strong enough Lord to endure such pain and suffering.”

These words would be followed by the same song…God is so good…God is so good…God is so good…He’s so good to me and then followed with…thank you Jesus…thank you Jesus…thank you Jesus…Your so good to me. It is a time in my life I would rather forget, but yet, a time that God built character in a young child of 10 years old.

He has never forsaken me. Never left me in the dust, but has picked me up and held me for awhile until I was ready to fly for him once again. And each time I allowed Him to console my aching heart and wipe my tears with the hem of His robe…He made me stronger and more able to live a life to love others as He had shown me so many times.

This picture above was his gift to me this morning. I took it soon after I finished my quiet time with Him. He blessed me once again!

God is so good and thank you Jesus!

By God for God!

It is so easy for us to forget our sole purpose in being created. We were made by God for God. He created each of us unique. Because God created me different and set apart from anyone else...only I can love Him in the special way He created me and He aches deeply for intimacy with me…the way I can only love Him. What we don’t realize is how much God longs to hear from us and give back to him our exclusive way to love Him. He yearns with expectant hope to hear our voice call his name and praise Him.

We ourselves as believers in Jesus Christ should desire deeply this intimacy with the Father because of His great love for us. You don’t seem to have this desire you say…then ask God to help you thirst for this alone time with him. He loves to give you the desires of your heart.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the

desires of your heart.”

Psalm 37:4

As Paul stated in Galatians 2:20,

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Again, as believers, we need to “give up” our selves for Him because of His great love for us. Quiet time alone with God brings us oneness with God in Christ, oneness with fellow believers, and oneness with God’s creation. As we begin to diligently apply this quiet reflection to our lives on a daily basis, we experience the presence of God in ALL things! We learn to abandon all our desires…agendas…thoughts so we might have immediate contact with God through Jesus Christ. We give God back what He created us to be…by God for God!

Discouraged

So today, I got cold feet. I went to church all prepared for a morning of fellowship with my Lord and following the service we were to go to a new member class. I couldn’t do it. I got myself so worked up about the new member class…we left after Sunday school and didn’t even go to the service.

I question myself and my own motives for wanting to become a member. Why do I feel the need to be a member? The only reason I could come up with… I want to feel like I belong. After all, there is nothing in the Bible calling us to be members of denominations. All denominations are manmade…not God ordained. I’ve never read the words Catholicism, Lutheranism, Methodist…just to name a few…in the Bible. Do I really have to become a member of a religion to feel as if I belong or should I be content in knowing I belong to Jesus?

I can’t stand church politics! I abhor it! I’ve seen way to many people get hurt including myself. So to be a member to gain the right to vote on congregational issues or hold a position of leadership…I’m not interested. ..at least not now. God would have to do a great work in me to convince me otherwise.

I am regretful that I choose to leave this morning without going to the service. I have missed my best friend Jesus these past weeks with the busyness of life, but I have spent some time with Him this afternoon in contemplation. His peace is awesome!

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him."

Psalm 62:1

Victory Again

I keep try'in to be perfect,

Think I'm go'in to loose my mind,

As Satan beats me down,

I hear him speak his lies,

Tell'in me I'm no good,

I'm useless,

I'll never be...

Who are you I ask,

To speak to me so unkind,

Do you not know who I am,

I am a child of the Most High!

I'm good...

because He said I'm good!

I'm useful...

because He gifted me to be so!

I'll be...

Because He created me!

For He is my Sustainer,

Lifter of my head,

My Healer,

My Strong Arm,

He is on my side!

For if Jesus is for me...

Who can be against me!

At the name of Jesus,

I heard his voice no more,

and peace arose,

like the sun at dawn,

on Easter morn,

and victory prevailed once more

BLAHHHHH and UGHHHHH Tonight!!!

BLAHHHHH!!! This is how I feel tonight. My son just took a picture of me on his new phone to help him figure out how to work the new fangled piece of sophistication...well...I looked at the picture. UGHHHHH!!! It was awful! I've never seen a picture in which I looked so heavy! Grant you, I had been working in the yard tonight so I was certainly not all spiffed up, but folks it shocked me! I made my son erase the picture immediately!

What has happened to me? Where has my discipline gone? I lost all my weight after the delivery of all three of my children and now...I feel like a hopeless case of old age with gravity winning. Honestly, even before my son took the picture today, I had already put my self down several times to my hubby. He disagrees of course and tells me I'm beautiful, but come on...the mirror doesn't lie. I was the athlete...the fit chic...body builder at one time in college...but now...I'm just one big pear!

I have been doing Weight Watchers and I have lost 9 pounds in the last 4 weeks. I guess it's good, but not great, and yet better than losing nothing at all. If I could just get my butt moving to exercise more, I know it would aid me greatly in my quest to be slimmer. I'm an impatient person and want results in a snap, but I know it is better for me to loose the weight more slowly rather than too quickly.

Dear Heavenly Father...you know how much I have struggled with my weight the last three years. It's not my desire to be a skinny chic, but just a more healthy woman. Help me Lord to stay focused on you and your desire to see me take care of my physical body so I am more able to live longer and do the work you have set before me in the years to come. I don't even know where you will take me tomorrow or the next day let alone 6 months from now or a year down the road. All I know is I want to be ready...spiritually and physically...to answer your call whatever it may be!

Prayer Changes Things...My Ruthie!

I see bunny ears and ponytails, snacks, a yawn here and a yawn there, and tired eyes…but all beautiful children in the eyes of the Lord! I’m thankful for the last two weeks in which I have worked as a teacher’s aide helping some special kids make their way thru the school day. I’m even more thankful for my own children and the precious gift God has given me…especially for my girl Ruthie. It’s not that I love Ruthie more than my two boys, but my girl…she has Autism. I have to love her differently at times as I continue to try and understand the world as she sees it.

Even though I have enjoyed my time working, I have missed my quiet moments in the morning with my best friend Jesus. So last night, tired and exhausted, I reached for the closest Bible. It was my daughter’s…Ruthie’s NIV children’s Bible. As I flipped the pages, I noticed a large amount of underlined passages…from beginning to end of this great book. I began stop and read the underscored sections. After some time, I began to cry for I realized the overwhelming amount of importance God’s word meant to my Autistic daughter…a child who socially has a difficult time with relationships. I clasped her Bible tightly against my chest as my eyes now cried a river of salted drops.

When Ruthie was diagnosed nearly three years ago with Autism, I grieved severely. I wondered often how she could have a personal relationship with Jesus, if she had this inability to interact socially without my constant prompting to get her to converse with others or answer a question, how could she talk with Jesus. I cried out to God…I’m talking on my knees wailing like a baby…that Ruthie would know Jesus and know this man I had fallen in love with at her age. Yes, often times I begged Him. Do you think God heard my prayers? My answer finally came last night when I open the pages of her Bible. Never give up! Prayer changes things! Thank you Jesus, Ruthie's big daddy, for dancing with your girl and my Cinderella!

One tough week...praying for the grief

Well this week has been a tough one. I have asked God, “Why?” so many times. A young man…a senior in high school…took his own life. I cried many tears for the parents of this beautiful young man…their only child. My own son attended youth group with James. He didn’t know him well, but he knew him. I know his mom. I’m not super close friends with her, but I know her. She is my sister in Christ…a bond which can never be broken.

When I first heard the news, I was working at our local elementary school…except the person who told me didn’t say the name of the boy. I was deeply saddened with a rush of tears that welled up in my eyes and goose bumps that rose from within which sent a chill through my entire body. At that moment, I thought how much I hated Satan. I couldn’t shake the dark agonizing thoughts the last hour after hearing the sad news.

When I got home, I had a message from my friend Lori on my phone. I sensed the sound of urgency in her voice so I called her immediately. She proceeded to tell me the sad news. All I could say was,

“No…no…please tell me it wasn’t him!”

I already knew a lot of details, but now there was a face…a face I knew and watched play the drums on Sunday morning. I felt sick, sad, and remained in what seemed a somber trance like state for several hours.

So I did what I always do when sorrow is great, grief seems to be winning, and it feels as if Satan won…I turned my eyes upon Jesus…I looked full into His wonderful face…and the things of this Earth grew strangely dim…in the light of His glory and praise… and peace… it rested once again on my heavy shoulders if only for a moment and I was reminded how sweet it is to trust in Jesus.

I’ve prayed like…well…a maniac…this week. You see, you can’t help but think of your own children in a situation such as this and then you think of all the children James knew…his close friends. Well, I just know my God is an amazing God who has so much grace…more than we could ever fathom…and loves His children tremendously. He is a spendthrift when it comes to love and forgiveness and because of His great love we cannot be consumed for He has already won the victory over Satan.

Its Easter week and today, Palm Sunday, the day they cried, “Hosanna!” as Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. During the sermon, I was reminded of Jesus who was taunted while he hung in excruciating pain upon the cross between two nails in the palms of his hands…all for me…all for you…all for James. He could have said things back. He could have stopped it all in an instant, but he didn’t retaliate…he chose to give forgiveness. We should never judge the amount of grace God chooses to give. Remember…we have all sinned and fall short…way short…of the expectations of God. This is why we need Jesus. And just as Christ forgives us, so also we too need to forgive others.

Let your tears flow and allow the Redeemer to catch the salted drops in his cupped hands. He takes those tears and turns them into healing. He breathes love into the hurt and makes life worth living once again. He longs to hear your voice cry out to Him. When life seems hard and the sun seems to shine no more, climb into the lap of Jesus and sit awhile with Him. He gives us beauty for the ashes of life…the oil of joy for mourning…and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Please kids…keep singing to Jesus!